How To Make Your Own Golem
Are you tired of the sinister hours of work lurking at the break of every day? Does housework make you frown, and get you down? Are you willing to risk mutilation, the destruction of a few cities in a one hundred mile radius to punish a lazy or unfaithful lover? Then making a golem may be your answer. Especially if you’re a holier-than-most Jew. According to many sources, the best candidate for golem creation is a particularly holy Jewish man or woman.
There are two ways to create golem, one of which is from the air, and is a little boring and involves a lot of talking aloud in silence. As we all know, quiet surroundings are hard to come by in modern times. It also takes around half an hour to forty-five minutes of reciting the Hebrew alphabet, so if you’re a slow learner, you’ll be at it for a bit longer. The second method is to actually make the golem pout of physical materials; it’s also tangible which gives the person making it a little more confidence. The creator can shape its features, for example, which is great for peace of mind. Making a golem out of clay is a little easier as well, for people who are good with their hands. Before I give the recipe for making a clay golem, a tip for those who made the golem from the air; recite the words of creation backwards to kill the golem if he happens to be rampaging, or has killed any immediate relations… or pets, however accidental it may seem. If you plan to deactivate a clay golem, find a way to erase the E, making the word METH, which is Hebrew for death.
The things you’ll need begin with are; first of all, a pure purpose –you can’t have murder on your mind while making your golem,– a pen knife, pure white robes, purified water, dust, and clay. Purified, as in blessed by a rabbi, or Jewish church affiliate. While wearing the white robes, mix the dust, clay and water together to create a strong, moldable clay, but remember to save a bit of water. When they clay begins to dry, while you’re molding, you’ll need to sprinkle a bit of water on it to help keep the clay moist enough to form. While you’re forming your golem pray to God for success, and mold using your bare hands. Allow the golem to harden for a few hours, and then using the writing instrument to carve the Hebrew word for truth, EMETH, into its forehead. While the golem hardens and dries, the clay might crack; you can prevent this by keeping it covered in a damp cloth.